Class 5 : 'The Prophet S.A.W as a husband'

December 23, 2013 at 6:32pm

THE PROPHET S.A.W. AS A HUSBAND

How was the Prophet Treating his Wives?

All of us wonder about the way the Messenger (PBUH) was with his wives. How he dealt with them? How he treated them equally?

The Prophet (PBUH) accomplished the happiness to every one of them; that is because he knew how to deal with women and he penetrated deeply into her sensitive soul and went on apostrophizing her with the warmth of passion and assisted her to work for her religion and her life.

And what about his wives-the Mothers of all believers -? If we searched to know about their lives, we will find that most of the books describe the Prophet’s wives with a common quality; fasting a lot and spending their nights praying. So they were privileged with their nearness from Allah and in apostrophizing him all night , that’s why they deserved this great honor ,they deserved to be the Mothers of all believers, wives of the beloved Prophet(PBUH) in this life and in the hereafter.

Pampering his Wives and Treating them Kindly  

We all read about the life of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) in the fields of education, faith, politics, war, or economy but seldom was written or published about his life (PBUH) inside his house and his relationship with his wives.

Calling one’s wife with the name she loves the most or with a nick­name is one of the forms of pampering and being kind to one’s wife. This can be seen in the life of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) who, in a ‘Hadith’ that is agreed upon by scholars, used to say to his wife ‘A’isha: “ O ‘A’ish, this is Gabriel saying peace be upon you, I replied,” and may peace and Allah’s Mercy and Blessings be upon him. You see what I don’t” (She meant the messenger of Allah (PBUH)

He also used to call ‘A’isha: (Homayraa’) a short form of (“Hamraa’) which, according to Ibn Kathir, means the white skinned woman. Aldhahabi also said that “Hamraa’” in the lan­guage of the people of ‘Hegaz’ means white and blushing-a rare fea­ture among them. So Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) used to treat ‘A’isha kindly and call her with lovely names.

From the prophetic traditions ‘A’isha narrated about fasting, Imam Muslim reported that she said: ‘The messenger of Allah (PBUH) used to kiss one of his wives while fasting, and then she laughs, may Allah be pleased with her.

In another prophetic tradition narrated by ‘A’isha, she said that Mu­hammad (PBUH) said that the best of the believers is the one who is best in manners and kindest to his own wife.

One of the forms of cuddling and well treating one’s wife is feeding her with one’s own hands. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “Whatever you spend is considered charity even the mouthful that you put in your wife’s mouth.”

Cuddling and being kind to one’s wife has a tremendous emotional ef­fect on her. This action of following the example of Prophet Muham­mad (PBUH) costs a man nothing and grants him Allah’s reward, his wife’s love and cooperation. Therefore a man is commanded to cuddle and treat his wife kindly.

A man’s nature dictates on him certain way of expressing his feelings and it is different from a woman’s. A woman expresses her love with words like, I love you, I miss you, I need you, etc. On the other hand, a man expresses love in action and production and seldom with words. If a man wants to tell his wife that he loves her he buys her something she wants or brings some food and drinks or furniture to the house. Ac­cording to a man, this is a form of love expression.

The generous Prophet has indeed overcome this negative trait in the na­ture of men. He used to describe his love and passion verbally for ‘A’isha, may Allah be pleased with her, treated her kindly, pampered her, and let his wives hear what they wished for from their beloved husband and this is a significant aspect in a man and wife’s relation­ship. Ibn Assaker narrated on the authority of ‘A’isha, May Allah be pleased with her, that she said that the Prophet (PBUH) told her: “Won’t you be pleased to be my wife in this life and in the hereafter?, I said: “Yes,” he said: “You are my wife in this life and the hereafter.”

Imagine ‘A’isha’s emotions having heard the words that guaran­teed her security, love, and peace in this life and in the hereafter.

Some writers demonstrate the respect of the West to women by giv­ing examples like a husband opening a car’s door to his wife. Although this apparently is respect, yet, a mature person can see many aspects in which a woman is being offended and disrespected in the West.

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is our example in this. One time during his stay alone in adoration of Allah in the last ten days of Ramadan (observing I’tikaf), his wife Safeya came to visit him and spoke with him for some time, then went to the door. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) led her to the door to say goodbye. In another narration, he told her: “Do not hurry to leave till I come with you.” Her house was at Ussama’s and he (PBUH) left with her. Respect is the source of con­tinual love and stability in a family. Therefore we wish that it prevail between a man and his wife.

If spouses treated each other in such way, a marriage would definitely  be beautiful.

The Prophet’s Way of Applying Love  

To apply love between couples you need to be an inventor, a creative woman like ‘A’isha. Safeya (May Allah be pleased with her) asked ‘A’isha one day to try to let the Prophet excuse her because he was angry with her because of some matter and she will give ‘A’isha her day. ‘A’isha wore a long saffron colored veil after and spread water on it to make it smell well. She went to the Prophet and sat be­side him but he said: “‘A’isha , go now it is not your day.” She said: “It’s the favor of Allah being given to whom he want” and she told him the story.

A woman asked ‘A’isha about henna. She replied”: My beloved (PBUH) loved its color and hated its smell.” Notice how she used the love language in describing the Prophet’s opinion.

From the Prophet’s side, he has also his ways in applying love.

‘A’isha was asked about the first thing the Prophet was making when entering his home. She replied: he was using siwak (arak stick for tooth cleaning).Narrated by Muslim

Some scholars said that the Prophet did that to kiss his wives when ar­riving home.

Al Bukhari narrated”: ‘A’isha said that she was perfuming her husband; his head and beard. She was also combing the Prophet’s hair even if she was menstruating.”

Now some of men don’t beautify themselves for their wives besides the bad smell of smoking persons. Some don’t care for their bodies and armpits smell, clothes, hairs, and nails. They neglect embellishments towards their women.

Women have rights to see and smell all good from their husbands. Fol­low the Prophet’s example in that matter and you will see how these things increases love between husbands and wives.

Ibn Abbas said that he was beautifying himself for his wife because it is her right to see him in his best conditions as he likes the same from her.

Allah Almighty said: “And they (women) have rights (over their hus­bands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them to what is reason­able “(Al Bakara: 228) Learn the ways of increasing love between you and your wife…Follow the example of the Prophet and his companions May Allah be pleased with them.

Apply what you like to see from your wife upon yourself to strengthen all love relationships and live a happy life.

The Prophet’s Good Companionship 

The most things that specify the Prophet’s morals with his wives were his good companionship, cheerfulness, joking with his family, laughing with his wives, mildness, and generosity.

Even when he was racing with’ A’isha – mother of the believers, May Allah be pleased with her - in the desert in one of his trips, it was to show love to her by that. She said that the Prophet of Allah (PBUH) raced me and I won, that was before I gained some weight. Then I raced him after that and he won. He said:” we are equal.”

Furthermore, The Prophet (PBUH) put the criterion of the best of men in the good treatment of men to their wives. He said: “the best one of you is the best to his family, and I am the best one of you to my family.

“Narrated by At-Tirmithy

That is because artificiality and pretension of high moral standards be­comes weak when the person feels that he has authority and power, and becomes weaker when he stays a long time with whom he has authority upon. If the person keeps on his moral perfection in a society he has power upon and has continuous intimacy with, so this is the best person in morals.

If the Prophet (PBUH) is the best one for his family, so his companion­ship with them must be really perfect, in all what goodness means of moral perfection in behavior, love, justice, mercy, loyalty, and all what marital life demands. this was indicated in the honorable Sunnah in many of the Prophet’s sayings regarding his behavior with his family and his treatment to them.

A- About the Prophet’s love to them (his wives) Anas Bin Malek –may Allah be pleased with- says:

1. The Prophet of Allah (PBUH) said:” the things that were ren­dered beloved to me in this life are; women, perfume, and my tranquil­ity is in prayers.” Narrated by Ahmed and others.
2. Amr Bin al Aas – May Allah be pleased with_ asked the Prophet:” O Prophet of Allah who is the person you love most?” the Prophet re­plied: “’A’isha”. Amr said: “And from men,” he said: “her father,” I said “Then who? He said “‘Umar”, and he named other men, so I kept silent fearing to be the last one.” Narrated by At-Tirmithiy

B- About the Prophet’s playing with his family, Aisha – may Allah be pleased with- says:

1. I used to play with dolls at the house of the prophet (PBUH) and my friends used to come and play with me and when he (PBUH) arrives, they leave, so he let them come in to play with me again.” Narrated by Al-Bukhari.
2. ‘A’isha -May Allah be pleased with her- said:” the prophet of Allah (PBUH) was standing at the door of my room covering me with his rope so I can watch the Abyssinians playing in the mosque”. He was very much concerned of ‘A’isha’s young age who was keen on having amusement”.
3. An example of his good companionship and the nobility of his mor­als: ‘A’isha- May Allah be pleased with her - said: “when I drank while I was menstruating, and then give the cup to the Prophet (PBUH), he used to put his mouth where I put mine to drink.” Narrated by Muslim

The Patience of the Prophet(PBUH) with his Wives

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)is the ultimate human example on being patient with one's wife(s). In spite ofhis highness at Allah's sight and at people's, it has never been heard of a man who had more patience with his wife(s).

It was reported that Umar Bin AlKhattab may Allah be pleased with him said: "we-the tribe of Quraish- usedto overpower our wives. When we were encountered by al Ansar we found out thatthe women overpowered the men. So our wives started to learn from al ansars'women their ethics. So, once i vociferated to my wife and she disagreed withme, but i disapproved her disagreement. She said: “why do you disapprove? ByAllah, the wives of the Prophet (pbuh) sometimes disagree with him andabandoned him for a whole day.” Umar was dismayed and told her that whoeverdid this did it to her loss. Then he went to Hafsah and toldher: o Hafsah, do any of you stay angry with the Prophet (pbuh) a whole day?She said: "yes.” He said: "you are in loss, don’t you fear Allah’sanger because of the Prophet’s, so that you will be doomed?”. Al Bukhari

Moreover, in such situations he used totreat them kindly. ‘a’isha, may Allah be pleased with her, said: "ProphetMuhammad (pbuh) told me: "i can tell when you are pleased with me and whenyou are not.” I said: "how can you tell?" he said: "if you arepleased with me you swear saying: "no, by Muhammad's lord" and if youare not, you swear saying: "no, by Abraham's lord."" she said:"yes by Allah, Prophet of Allah. I can only abandon your name." 

The Prophet's Dealing Justly with his Wives

Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) dealt justly with his wives. He loved them and showedhis feelings towards them. He was also patient and loyal with them. His actionswere arising from sense of responsibility and because Allah the almightycreated him righteous and equitable by nature. 

‘A'isha (may Allah be pleased withher) said that the Prophet of Allah (S.A.W.) never preferred onewife over another and he used to see all of them in their homes everyday eventhough he spent the night with one only. 

Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) treated his wives equally even during his last days when he was very ill. He used to go to each of his wives in her turn. ‘A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) said that when the Prophet (S.A.W.) became very sick he asked his wives for permission to be nursed at my house. Naturally, they agreed. He stayed with ‘A'isha until he died and he died in her arms.

The Prophet Urged Men to Keep a Good Company with their Wives

Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) has guided his people to keep good company with their wives by word and deed.

1- Bukhary & Muslimnarrated that Abu Huraira – may Allah be pleased with him – reported that Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) said: "treat women kindly,they were created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is thehighest part thereof; so, if you tried to rectify the rib it will be broken and if you left the rib as it is, it will remain crooked, and women are like this;therefore treat them kindly".

There is another narration to the same tradition by Muslim stated: "women have been created from a rib.She will never be straightened up in the way you wish. If you enjoyed her companionship, then do it with that crookedness, as if you tried to rectify her, she will be broken and breaking her means divorcing her.".

2- Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) repeated this commandment in several occasions. In his last pilgrimage (Hajj al wadda’), our Prophet (S.A.W.) devoted an essential part of his great sermon to this commandment and said: "treat women kindly, they are captives in your houses, you have no way except to treat them kindly unless they commit a clear-cut abomination, in which case, desert them in the bed, if not feasible, strike them gently but do not cause them any harm, thereafter, if they obeyed you, do not wrong them. You have a right on your wives and your wives have a right on you; your right on them is that they should keep your honor and do not allow any person to enter your houses if you do not like them to enter, and their right on you is to treat them kindly and provide them with clothing and food". (Narrated by Muslim).

3- "The faithful husband should not hate his faithful wife, because if he hates certain manner in her character,then he should not forget the other good manners in her character." Narrated by Muslim.

4- The prophet (S.A.W.) said also: "anything not involving the extolment of Allah is vanity or negligence except four things: exercising shooting, training the horse,playing with his family and learning swimming". Narrated by al-Nasa'i.

Muhammad –(S.A.W.) – disciplined his wives if it was necessary

True, the prophet (S.A.W.) was all the time treating his wives – mothers of the believers, may Allah be pleased with them – kindly and compassionately but this was not the case all the times; because the Prophet (S.A.W.) was wise &prudent, and was taking the right action at the right circumstances; therefore,if the kind treatment was feasible and useful, then he will never hesitate to treat them kindly, but if discipline, prevention and desertion were more appropriate, then he will apply it.

When the wives of the prophet (S.A.W.) asked him for spending on them more than the normal limits andwanted to enjoy more pleasures and delights in this transitory life beyond what the prophet (S.A.W.) determined and elected to himself, he deserted them for one month until Allah almighty revealed this verse on him: {o you prophet, say to your spouses, "in case you would (like) the present life (literally: the lowly life, i.e., the life of this world) and its adornment, then come, and i will allow you (the necessary) enjoyment and will release you a becoming release ¯ and in case you would (like) Allah and his messenger and the last home, then surely Allah has prepared for the fair-doers among you a magnificent reward} (al-Ahzab: 28-29)

Therefore, the Prophet (S.A.W.) gave them the choice either to stay with him with the minimum necessary to support living or separation; so, they elected to obey Allah almighty and his Prophet S.A.W.

The Prophets Emotions toward his Wives

Looking attentively to the biography of the Prophet (S.A.W.) you will find that he was the best example or the ideal manners towards the wife. He was comforting his wives, wiping their tears, respecting their emotions, hearing their words, caring for their complaints, alleviating their sadness, going in picnics with them, racing with them, bearing their aban­donment, discussing matters with them, keeping their dignity, supporting them inemergencies, declaring his love to them and was very happy with such love.

Understanding their Jealousy & Love  

Um Salama – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: she brought food in a dish of her own to the Prophet – (S.A.W.) and his companions. Seeing that, ‘A’isha came holding a tool and broke the dish out of jealousy. Understanding the situation, the Prophet took the two halves ofthe dish and said to his companions: Eat your food, it is just the jealousy ofyour mother, then the Prophet took the dish of ‘A’isha and gave it to Um Salamaand gave the dish of Um Salama to ‘A’isha. (Sahih Al-Nasa›i)

Complaining to them & consulting them  

The Prophet (S.A.W.) has consulted hiswives in the most delicate and important matters such as consulting his wife UmSalama – May Allah be pleased with her – in Al-Hudaibia Treaty. The Prophet (S.A.W.) has written the treaty between him and the polytheists of Quraish in Al-Hudaibia region, in the Hudaibia year and told his companions: Go to make immolation andshave, but no one responded. The Prophet (S.A.W.) repeated thatthree times but still no one responded to him. Then the Prophet (S.A.W.) went to Um Salama and told her about the matter. Hearing that, Um Salamsaid: O Prophet of Allah, just go and don›t speak to any one until you makeyour immolation and shave. The Prophet (S.A.W.) went out and didnot speak to any one until he did the same. Seeing that, the companions stoodand make their immolation and began shaving for each other to the degree thatsome of them was about to kill the other out of their grief.

Narrated by: Um Salama Hind Bint Abi Umayiah –TafsirAl-Tabari –

Demonstrating his Love & Loyalty to them  

The Prophet (S.A.W.) told ‘A’isha in thelong tradition of Um Zara› narrated by Al-Bukhari: “I am in my love and loyaltyto you just like Abu Zar’a and Um Zar’a» , ‘A’isha replied: You are dearer tome more than my father and mother, you are even more loyal and loving than AbuZar’a to Um Zara». Al-Bukhari 

Eating & drinking with them

‘A’isha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: When Idrink water from the pot while in menstruation period and give the pot to theProphet (S.A.W.) he drinks from the same place which touched mymouth, moreover, during menstruation, I was eating from the piece of meat andgiving the same to the Prophet – Peace be upon him – and the Prophet puts hismouth in the same place of mine. (Muslim)

Leaning & Sleeping in their Laps  

‘A’isha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: the Prophet (S.A.W.) used to lean on my lap while I am menstruating and read Quran. (Al-Bukhari)

Helping them in the Household Duties  

‘A’isha – May Allah be pleased with her – was asked about the manners of the Prophet in his home? She replied: He was helping in doing the family duties and when he hears the call of prayers he goes out. Al-Bukhari  

In another narration she said: He used to wash his clothes, milk his ewe, and serve himself.

She said also: he used to sew up his clothes, clean his shoes, and do what men generally do in their homes.

Tolerating for their Happiness  

‘A’isha narrated that Abu Bakr – May Allah be pleased with them – en­tered to her home while two young girls were striking on the tambou­rine and singing ,and the Prophet  (S.A.W.) was laying and covering himself with his clothes. Seeing him, the Prophet uncov­ered his face and told him: O Abu Bakr let them continue, it is Eid days (festival). The said days were Mina Days and the Prophet (S.A.W.) was in Medina. (An-Nasai)

Treat them fairly while Angry  

Once, ‘A’isha was angry with the Prophet (S.A.W.) So, he told her: Do you accept Abu ‘Ubaida Bin Al-Jarrah as a judge between us? She replied: No, this man will not issue a judgment against you in my favor. He said: Do you accept Omar as a judge? She replied: I fear Omar. He said: Do you accept Abu Bakr (her father)? She replied: Yes I accept him.

The Prophet (S.A.W.) was putting his han don the shoul­der of his wife when she is angry and saying: «O Allah, forgive her sins, relieve her heart from rage and protect her from distress.”

Praising & thanking them  

The Prophet (S.A.W.) said: The rank of ‘A’isha to the other women is like the rank of the porridge to the other foods. (Muslim)

Feeling Pleased when they are Glad

‘A’isha – May Allah be pleased with her – said: Once,the Prophet (S.A.W.) came from a battle and there was a cover for my dolls in my room. The wind uncovered the dolls. Seeing that, the prophet said: What is this? She replied: my daughters. He said: What is the thing between them? She replied: it is a horse. He said: What is this thing on the horse? She replied:they are two wings. He said: A horse with two wings!! She replied: didn't you hear that Sulaiman bin Dawood (A.S.) was having horses with wings? The Prophet then laughed until his molars appeared.

Keeping Their Privacy  

«The worst rank for a man at the day of judgment is the rank of the man who sleeps with his wife and then discloses her privacy.” (Mus­lim)

Refraining from Beating or abusing them  

«The Prophet (S.A.W.) had never beaten any woman, any servant or anything with his hand other than fighting in the way of Allah Almighty. He does not take revenge from anyone harmed him except when breaching the orders of Allah Almighty, at which case, he takes revenge».

(Muslim)

Consoling & Wiping their Tears  

Safeyah – May Allah be pleased with her – was traveling with the Prophet (S.A.W.) and it was then her turn to travel with him. She was slow in walking. The Prophet (S.A.W.) re­ceived her while crying and saying: You gave me a slow camel. Seeing that, The Prophet (S.A.W.) wiped her eyes with his hands and consoled her. (Narrated by An-Nasa’i)

Accompanying her in Travel  

The Prophet (S.A.W.) was casting lots between his wives when he wants to travel then he takes the one who wins the lot. He cast a lot between us in one of his battles and it was me who won it;therefore, I went with the Prophet (S.A.W.) after the revelation of Al-Hijab (veil) verse. (Al-Bukhari)

Spreading Happiness in his House

‘A’isha – May Allah be pleased with her – narrated: Once, Sawda vis­ited us and the Prophet (S.A.W.) sat down between me and her, one leg in her lap and the other in mine. I made then Khazira (food) and told her: Eat! She refused. I said: If you don›t eat I will stain your face with Khazira but she insisted not to eat; therefore, I put my hand in Khazira and painted her face. Seeing that, the Prophet – peace be upon him – laughed and gave his share in Khzaira to Sawda and told her stain her face; so, Sawda stained my face and the Prophet (S.A.W.) laughed. Then Omar – May Allah be pleased with him – passed by and called : “O Abdullah, O Abdullah”. The Prophet (S.A.W.) thought that he will enter so he said to us: Go wash your faces. 

From Short Course- "Better Half...Better Life" (Etiquette of Marital Life)