December 30, 2013 at 7:03pm
Q. Is it obligatory to have intercourse on the wedding night?
A. Praise be to Allaah.
It is not obligatory for the man to have intercourse with his wife on the wedding night. They may delay that until the time that they choose. But intercourse -- in general -- is obligatory, and it is the right of both spouses, and the wife must allow the husband to do that when he wants, so long as it is not harmful to her, and the husband must have intercourse with his wife as much as suffices her, so long as it does not weaken him physically or distract him from earning a living. And Allaah knows best.
Q. Pornography is prohibited in islam. How big a sin is "watching" pornographic material with your wife once in a while?
A. Praise be to Allaah.
Watching pornography is forbidden, whether a person is married or not. The one who does that has to repent to Allaah. How can a person watch such things with his wife and he can he permit her to watch it too? Indeed watching such things may lead to problems between the spouses which may end up in divorce – Allaah forbid. Undoubtedly if a man approves of such a thing he is lacking in gheerah (protective jealousy), which is what distinguishes a Muslim from others, from kaafirs and duyooths (cuckolds) who approve of obscenity and immorality in their families. Moreover, watching such material makes one take the matter of immorality lightly and encourages promiscuity. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. Let the one who has committed such a sin beware of the punishment of Allaah; let him hasten to repent. He should be keen to look for anything that may help his wife to remain chaste, not for things that will encourage immoral actions.
If the husband calls his wife to watch these movies, it is not permissible for her to obey him, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience if it involves disobeying Allaah, rather obedience is only with regard to that which is right and proper.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7257; Muslim, 1840. And Allaah knows best.
Q. Is it OK to use condoms or other forms of birth control?
A. Praise be to Allaah.
It is permissible to use condoms so long as this does not cause any harm and so long as both husband and wife consent to their use, because this is similar to ‘azl (coitus interruptus or “withdrawal”). But it reduces the sensation of pleasure, which is the right of both partners, and reduces the chance of conception, which is also the right of both partners. Neither one of them is allowed to deprive the other of these rights.
Regarding the use of other hormonal birth control methods (such as pills) one should consult with a Dr and determine if it is harmful for the body of the woman. If it is, it is not permissible to use them. Her husband should also give his permission to take the pills, because the husband has the right to have children . And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Q. What is the ruling for a man whose wife wants to get intimate but he doesn’t? Is it allowed for him to refuse having intercourse with her?
A. The husband is obliged to have intercourse with his wife on a reasonable basis, which is one of the most important rights that she has over him; it is more important than feeding her. It is obligatory with regard to having intercourse according to her need and his ability, just as he should feed her according to her need and his ability
Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa, 32/271
Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (1006) from Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “…the intimacy of one of you (with his wife) is a charity.” They said: O Messenger of Allaah, if one of us fulfils his desire, will he be rewarded for that? He said: “Do you not see that if he did it in a haraam manner, there would be a burden of sin on him for that? Similarly, if he does it in a halaal manner, he will be rewarded for it.”
In that case, what the wise husband must do is take care of his wife in that regard and give it priority over everything else, so that he may keep her chaste, conceal her and meet her needs as much as he can, even if he does not have an urgent need for that and even if he had to do it only for her, for the sake of meeting his wife’s needs. In that there will be reward for both of them, in sha Allah, and a means of help so that they attain spiritual and worldly wellbeing.
Q. I have been married for several years and I have never experienced an orgasm. I tried to keep my husband satisfied, but I have little desire since we have tried everything to make me reach a climax. This is an issue for me, because my husband has a healthy sex drive. I always try and meet his needs, but I know he’d be happy if I was more into it. Do you have any suggestions for us?
A. Sister, I can’t stress the important of letting go and relaxing. Enjoying what your husband does and not feeling any pressure, being in with the moment. Remember; don’t be in any pressure to climax and it will come. Sister, believe me in all of my research I have found an average woman climaxes 5 years after her first experience with a man. This research is based on the average non-Muslim woman who has multiple partners, has tried various exotic positions and done a lot of romantic things. Yet, it still takes her 5 years to reach an orgasm. If this is the case with an average non-Muslim lady, then the average for a Muslim woman in a monogamous relationship with a husband who may not be as romantic and exciting as others, it will take even longer. This is normal, just enjoy it; allow your husband to be romantic and express his love.
Though a husband may be extremely gentle, there are many other wives who have expressed that they suffer from a lot of pain in sex. They are absolutely normal, and this is nothing to worry about. Sister, you should tell your husband that this is standard, especially if you’ve only been married a year or so, completely normal! Use extra lubrication, try different types of lubrication, try longer foreplay, try telling your husband what to do, and just relax. As I said, sisters in particular, please understand: if you feel the need to enjoy or if you feel the need to climax, then this will be problematic. Just let it go and enjoy. You may not climax for the first time, the second time, the tenth time, but when you do, let go and when you don’t feel the pressure, then insha’Allah Ta’ala it will make things a lot better
-Yasir Qadhi
Q. Ruling on wife taking the husband’s last name (surname). What if the husband insists on that?
A. Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible for a woman to take her husband’s name or his family name because that is attributing oneself to someone other than one’s father, and imitating the kuffaar from whom this custom was adopted.
Al-Bukhaari (3508) and Muslim (61) narrated from Abu Dharr (may Allaah be pleased with him) that he heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “Any man who knowingly attributes himself to someone other than his father is guilty of kufr. Whoever claims to belong to a people when he has nothing to do with them, let him take his place in Hell.”
“when he has nothing to do with them” means, when he has no lineage among them, as is highlighted in some reports.
Based on that, the husband has no right to force his wife to do that, and if he forces her to do it she should not obey him, because it is obedience to a created being which involves disobedience to the Creator. So she should persist in her refusal and explain to him that it is haraam, and look for Islamically acceptable means of establishing her rights from a legal point of view.
Q. Helping one’s parents from her salary without her husband’s knowledge
A. Praise be to Allaah.
If there was no condition stipulated by your husband that you may work provided you spend all or part of your salary on household expenses, then the salary that you get or the amount that is left after you pay the amount that your husband stipulated you should pay, is your property and it is permissible for you to spend it in any way that is halaal, and you do not have to ask your husband’s permission with regard to that. But if you do that so as show respect to him, that is better.
Q. Wife serving her husband’s parents
A. Praise be to Allaah.
The wife is not obliged to serve her husband’s father, mother or any of his relatives; rather it is good manners, if she lives in the same house, to serve his parents. But obliging her to do that is not permissible. So it is not permissible for her husband to force her to do that, and it is not obligatory for her. What I advocate is that the wife should be patient in serving her husband’s parents (if they are old) and remember that it will not harm her, rather it will make her more respected and loved by her husband. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him).
Q. Plucking part of the eyebrows in order to look beautiful for ones husband
A. Praise be to Allaah.
It says in Fataawa al-Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen:
Plucking of women’s eyebrows is not permissible, it is the namas for which the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed the one who does it. The naamisah is the one who does it for someone else and the mutanammisah is the one who asks someone else to do it for her (as mentioned in the hadeeth). The same applies if a woman does it for herself. It is haraam and is not permitted.
You should not remove anything from the eyebrows at all, unless there is hair outside of the line of the eyebrows, such as if there is a mole from which a hair is growing. This may be removed because in this case it is removing a kind of fault or deformity, not in order to look beautiful. And Allaah knows best.
See Fataawa Manaar al-Islam by Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), vol. 3, p. 832.
Shaykh Ibn Jibreen said: “It is not permissible to cut the hair of the eyebrows, or to shave it, reduce it or pluck it, even with the husband’s approval. This is not the matter of beauty, rather it is altering the creation of Allaah Who is the Best of creators. A warning has been narrated against doing that and the one who does it is cursed; this implies that it is forbidden.
Q. Her husband is asking her to take off her hijab
A. Praise be to Allaah.
If what is meant is that he is ordering her to uncover her hair and neck, etc, this is a command to disobey Allaah, and there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator. There is no difference of opinion among the Muslim scholars that it is obligatory for a woman to cover her hair, neck and arms, and it is not permissible for her to take off her hijab in obedience to her husband or father, rather she should stand firm and seek help in that from righteous people in his family and hers, and those who have some influence on her husband.
Q. Ruling on staying with a husband who does not pray
A. Praise be to Allaah.
It should be known that the one who does not pray any of the prayers and persists in not doing so, according to the Sahaabah and the majority of scholars, is counted as a kaafir and it is not permissible to marry him or eat meat slaughtered by him. If the husband does not pray at all, then he is taking a very serious risk and it is not permissible for you to stay with him. You have to remind him and scare him with this. As it was reported in Saheeh Muslim from the hadeeth of Jaabir that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“All that stands between a man and shirk and kufr is his giving up prayer.” And he also said:
“The covenant that separates us from them is salaah, and whoever gives up prayer is a kaafir.”
‘Abd-Allaah ibn Shaqeeq said: the companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used not to count the giving up of any action as kufr, apart from prayer.” You have to warn your husband against neglecting the prayer. If he persists, it is not permissible for you to stay with him because you are a Muslim and he is something else. May Allaah help the Muslims to do what Allaah has commanded and to obey Him. You have to advise and scare him, and may Allaah bring about good for him through that.
Q. Ruling on staying with a wife who does not pray
A. According to a saheeh hadeeth, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The man is the shepherd of the members of his household and is responsible for his flock. Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. So the man is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.” The most important duty of the “shepherd” is to guide his “flock” to obey the commands of Allaah by doing that which Allaah has enjoined and abstaining from that which He has forbidden. In this way he will be fulfilling his duty of enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil. So the husband has to tell his wife to do that which Allaah has enjoined upon her and he must forbid her to do that which Allaah has prohibited. The greatest duties that the Muslim must fulfil are the five daily prayers and fasting Ramadaan. These are two of the pillars of Islam. The husband must tell his wife to do these things and to observe these two pillars regularly. It is not permissible for him to be careless in this matter. The same applies to all other obligatory duties. He must also forbid her to do that which Allaah has forbidden, whether it is words or deeds. If he sees that she is responding and obeying, then that is what is required. But if she persists in disobeying then the Muslim man should not stay with her, rather he has to divorce her. How can a Muslim be pleased with a wife who does not pray or who misses some of the prayers, or does not fast in Ramadaan?
Q. Remaining unmarried for the sake of worship
A. Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah has enjoined marriage, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty” [al-Noor 24:32]
There is the story of the three men who came to ask about the worship of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When they were told about it, it was as if they thought it was not much. One of them said, “I keep away from women and I will never get married.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to this man and to his companions that he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) fasted and broke his fast, he stayed up praying and slept, and he married women. Then he said: “Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5063; Muslim, 1401.
This story indicates that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned against the monasticism practiced by the Jews and Christians, both men and woman.
Q. Can a husband refuse to let his wife visit her parents?
Upholding family ties is obligatory, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“… fear Allaah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (and do not cut of the relations of) the wombs (kinship)…” [al-Nisa’ 4:1]
Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Allaah created His creation, and when He had finished, al-rahm (the tie of kinship) got up. He said, ‘What is it?’ Al-rahm said: “This is the position of one who is seeking refuge with You from being cut off.’ He said, ‘Will you not be pleased if I should take care of the one who takes care of you, and cut off the one who cuts you off?’ Al-rahm said, ‘Of course, O Lord.’ He said, ‘Then it will be so.’” Abu Hurayrah quoted (interpretation of the meaning): “Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship?” [Muhammad 47:22]. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6948)
The husband should realize that it is not permissible for him to deliberately prevent his wife from visiting her family and upholding her ties of kinship with them. By the same token, the wife should not exhaust her husband with frequent trips and expenses that he cannot bear. She should make requests of him commensurate with his capabilities. It is not permissible for a woman to go out of her husband’s house without his permission, whether to go to her parents or elsewhere, because that has to do with his rights over her, unless there is a shar’i reason that compels her to go out. End quote from Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah(19/165).
Another indication that it is essential to have the husband’s permission to visit one's parents is the report narrated in al-Saheehayn about the story of the slander (al-ifk), in which ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): Will you give me permission to go to my parents?
Al-Bukhaari (4141) and Muslim (2770).
Q. Is it allowed for Husband/wife to enquire about the past after getting maried?
A. Praise be to Allaah.
With regard to the past from which you have repented to Allah, may He be exalted, the fiancé or husband has no right to ask about it. And it is not prescribed for anyone who has fallen into sin to tell anyone else about it when Allah has concealed him, and he should not expose himself, Allah forbid.
If the fiancé or husband insists on asking, you do not have to tell him about what you did before you knew him.
Q. Is there an expiation to take a false oath about the past sin?
A. Praise be to Allaah.
We put this question to Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him), who answered as follows:
If she is afraid of negative or harmful consequences, such as divorce or a bad reputation, she can swear that she did not do it, and seek forgiveness and do lots of good deeds.
She does not have to offer any expiation (kafaarah) because this oath has to do with something which is in the past, although it involves telling a lie. The kafaarah is sincere repentance. And Allaah knows best.
Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen
Q. Is it necessary to take the permission of the First wife to have a second wife?
A. “It is not obligatory for the husband, if he wants to take a second wife, to have the consent of his first wife, but it is good manners and kindness to deal with her in such a manner that will reduce the hurt which women naturally feel in such situations. This is done by being kind to her and speaking to her in a gentle and pleasant manner, and by spending whatever money may be necessary in order to gain her acceptance of the situation.”
Q Who has priority, one’s mother or one’s wife?
A. Praise be to Allaah.
The Muslim should always give preference to his mother, because it says in a hadeeth that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Who among the people is most deserving of my good company?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” …
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5514; Muslim, 4621).
But the wife takes precedence over the mother in one case, and that is the matter of spending. If the husband cannot afford to spend on both his wife and his mother because he is poor, then in this case he should put his wife before his mother. The Muslim has to give what is due to each person who has a right over him, and he has to help the one who is oppressed. If his mother mistreats his wife, he has to put a stop to it, in a kind and fair manner. And Allaah knows best.
Q. His mother mistreats his wife and her family
A. We must – may Allah guide us and you aright – inform each party of the rights of the other. The mother must understand that her son’s wife has rights that have been ordained by Allah and taught by the Messenger of Allah; the wife must understand that the mother has rights ordained by Allah and affirmed by the Messenger of Allah.
Moreover, each of them must understand that when Allah ordained rights for people, He forbade mistreatment and enmity, and He forbade transgressing the limits that He has set for His slaves. So what we must do is adhere to those limits and no one who has been given rights should transgress the limits in order to transgress against the rights of anyone else.
Q. Should she agree to be a second wife or be patient?
A. Praise be to Allaah.
Undoubtedly the way in which many Muslim societies view plural marriage is as a betrayal of the first wife, or as something for which the husband or second wife are to be blamed. Undoubtedly this is a mistaken view that is contrary to the law of Allaah, which permits a man to marry up to four wives. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“…then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four …” [al-Nisa’4:3]
The Muslim cannot object to the rulings of Allaah, or think that there is any injustice, transgression or error in the rulings of Allaah.
Hence we do not agree when a woman says: “How can I take the husband from his wife and children?”
You are not taking this husband away; rather he has come and proposed to you of his own free will.
Moreover he is going to bear the burden of two families and two households at the same time; he is not going to leave his first wife and children for your sake, so how can that be taking him away?
For a woman to agree to be a second wife and to put up with some problems from the first wife or the society around her, is much easier than staying without a husband.
Q. Who is supposed to recite the dua of Intercourse and when?
A. The man should recite the Dua, woman can do it as well but its prescribed for men. He should do it when he intends to have intercourse and starts as it is makrooh to take Allah’s name while doing it.
Note: -
All the Q&As have been taken form islamqa in their precise forms, ppl who want to read details can get it on the website InshaAllah!
A. Praise be to Allaah.
It is not obligatory for the man to have intercourse with his wife on the wedding night. They may delay that until the time that they choose. But intercourse -- in general -- is obligatory, and it is the right of both spouses, and the wife must allow the husband to do that when he wants, so long as it is not harmful to her, and the husband must have intercourse with his wife as much as suffices her, so long as it does not weaken him physically or distract him from earning a living. And Allaah knows best.
Q. Pornography is prohibited in islam. How big a sin is "watching" pornographic material with your wife once in a while?
A. Praise be to Allaah.
Watching pornography is forbidden, whether a person is married or not. The one who does that has to repent to Allaah. How can a person watch such things with his wife and he can he permit her to watch it too? Indeed watching such things may lead to problems between the spouses which may end up in divorce – Allaah forbid. Undoubtedly if a man approves of such a thing he is lacking in gheerah (protective jealousy), which is what distinguishes a Muslim from others, from kaafirs and duyooths (cuckolds) who approve of obscenity and immorality in their families. Moreover, watching such material makes one take the matter of immorality lightly and encourages promiscuity. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. Let the one who has committed such a sin beware of the punishment of Allaah; let him hasten to repent. He should be keen to look for anything that may help his wife to remain chaste, not for things that will encourage immoral actions.
If the husband calls his wife to watch these movies, it is not permissible for her to obey him, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience if it involves disobeying Allaah, rather obedience is only with regard to that which is right and proper.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7257; Muslim, 1840. And Allaah knows best.
Q. Is it OK to use condoms or other forms of birth control?
A. Praise be to Allaah.
It is permissible to use condoms so long as this does not cause any harm and so long as both husband and wife consent to their use, because this is similar to ‘azl (coitus interruptus or “withdrawal”). But it reduces the sensation of pleasure, which is the right of both partners, and reduces the chance of conception, which is also the right of both partners. Neither one of them is allowed to deprive the other of these rights.
Regarding the use of other hormonal birth control methods (such as pills) one should consult with a Dr and determine if it is harmful for the body of the woman. If it is, it is not permissible to use them. Her husband should also give his permission to take the pills, because the husband has the right to have children . And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Q. What is the ruling for a man whose wife wants to get intimate but he doesn’t? Is it allowed for him to refuse having intercourse with her?
A. The husband is obliged to have intercourse with his wife on a reasonable basis, which is one of the most important rights that she has over him; it is more important than feeding her. It is obligatory with regard to having intercourse according to her need and his ability, just as he should feed her according to her need and his ability
Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa, 32/271
Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (1006) from Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “…the intimacy of one of you (with his wife) is a charity.” They said: O Messenger of Allaah, if one of us fulfils his desire, will he be rewarded for that? He said: “Do you not see that if he did it in a haraam manner, there would be a burden of sin on him for that? Similarly, if he does it in a halaal manner, he will be rewarded for it.”
In that case, what the wise husband must do is take care of his wife in that regard and give it priority over everything else, so that he may keep her chaste, conceal her and meet her needs as much as he can, even if he does not have an urgent need for that and even if he had to do it only for her, for the sake of meeting his wife’s needs. In that there will be reward for both of them, in sha Allah, and a means of help so that they attain spiritual and worldly wellbeing.
Q. I have been married for several years and I have never experienced an orgasm. I tried to keep my husband satisfied, but I have little desire since we have tried everything to make me reach a climax. This is an issue for me, because my husband has a healthy sex drive. I always try and meet his needs, but I know he’d be happy if I was more into it. Do you have any suggestions for us?
A. Sister, I can’t stress the important of letting go and relaxing. Enjoying what your husband does and not feeling any pressure, being in with the moment. Remember; don’t be in any pressure to climax and it will come. Sister, believe me in all of my research I have found an average woman climaxes 5 years after her first experience with a man. This research is based on the average non-Muslim woman who has multiple partners, has tried various exotic positions and done a lot of romantic things. Yet, it still takes her 5 years to reach an orgasm. If this is the case with an average non-Muslim lady, then the average for a Muslim woman in a monogamous relationship with a husband who may not be as romantic and exciting as others, it will take even longer. This is normal, just enjoy it; allow your husband to be romantic and express his love.
Though a husband may be extremely gentle, there are many other wives who have expressed that they suffer from a lot of pain in sex. They are absolutely normal, and this is nothing to worry about. Sister, you should tell your husband that this is standard, especially if you’ve only been married a year or so, completely normal! Use extra lubrication, try different types of lubrication, try longer foreplay, try telling your husband what to do, and just relax. As I said, sisters in particular, please understand: if you feel the need to enjoy or if you feel the need to climax, then this will be problematic. Just let it go and enjoy. You may not climax for the first time, the second time, the tenth time, but when you do, let go and when you don’t feel the pressure, then insha’Allah Ta’ala it will make things a lot better
-Yasir Qadhi
Q. Ruling on wife taking the husband’s last name (surname). What if the husband insists on that?
A. Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible for a woman to take her husband’s name or his family name because that is attributing oneself to someone other than one’s father, and imitating the kuffaar from whom this custom was adopted.
Al-Bukhaari (3508) and Muslim (61) narrated from Abu Dharr (may Allaah be pleased with him) that he heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “Any man who knowingly attributes himself to someone other than his father is guilty of kufr. Whoever claims to belong to a people when he has nothing to do with them, let him take his place in Hell.”
“when he has nothing to do with them” means, when he has no lineage among them, as is highlighted in some reports.
Based on that, the husband has no right to force his wife to do that, and if he forces her to do it she should not obey him, because it is obedience to a created being which involves disobedience to the Creator. So she should persist in her refusal and explain to him that it is haraam, and look for Islamically acceptable means of establishing her rights from a legal point of view.
Q. Helping one’s parents from her salary without her husband’s knowledge
A. Praise be to Allaah.
If there was no condition stipulated by your husband that you may work provided you spend all or part of your salary on household expenses, then the salary that you get or the amount that is left after you pay the amount that your husband stipulated you should pay, is your property and it is permissible for you to spend it in any way that is halaal, and you do not have to ask your husband’s permission with regard to that. But if you do that so as show respect to him, that is better.
Q. Wife serving her husband’s parents
A. Praise be to Allaah.
The wife is not obliged to serve her husband’s father, mother or any of his relatives; rather it is good manners, if she lives in the same house, to serve his parents. But obliging her to do that is not permissible. So it is not permissible for her husband to force her to do that, and it is not obligatory for her. What I advocate is that the wife should be patient in serving her husband’s parents (if they are old) and remember that it will not harm her, rather it will make her more respected and loved by her husband. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him).
Q. Plucking part of the eyebrows in order to look beautiful for ones husband
A. Praise be to Allaah.
It says in Fataawa al-Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen:
Plucking of women’s eyebrows is not permissible, it is the namas for which the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed the one who does it. The naamisah is the one who does it for someone else and the mutanammisah is the one who asks someone else to do it for her (as mentioned in the hadeeth). The same applies if a woman does it for herself. It is haraam and is not permitted.
You should not remove anything from the eyebrows at all, unless there is hair outside of the line of the eyebrows, such as if there is a mole from which a hair is growing. This may be removed because in this case it is removing a kind of fault or deformity, not in order to look beautiful. And Allaah knows best.
See Fataawa Manaar al-Islam by Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), vol. 3, p. 832.
Shaykh Ibn Jibreen said: “It is not permissible to cut the hair of the eyebrows, or to shave it, reduce it or pluck it, even with the husband’s approval. This is not the matter of beauty, rather it is altering the creation of Allaah Who is the Best of creators. A warning has been narrated against doing that and the one who does it is cursed; this implies that it is forbidden.
Q. Her husband is asking her to take off her hijab
A. Praise be to Allaah.
If what is meant is that he is ordering her to uncover her hair and neck, etc, this is a command to disobey Allaah, and there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator. There is no difference of opinion among the Muslim scholars that it is obligatory for a woman to cover her hair, neck and arms, and it is not permissible for her to take off her hijab in obedience to her husband or father, rather she should stand firm and seek help in that from righteous people in his family and hers, and those who have some influence on her husband.
Q. Ruling on staying with a husband who does not pray
A. Praise be to Allaah.
It should be known that the one who does not pray any of the prayers and persists in not doing so, according to the Sahaabah and the majority of scholars, is counted as a kaafir and it is not permissible to marry him or eat meat slaughtered by him. If the husband does not pray at all, then he is taking a very serious risk and it is not permissible for you to stay with him. You have to remind him and scare him with this. As it was reported in Saheeh Muslim from the hadeeth of Jaabir that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“All that stands between a man and shirk and kufr is his giving up prayer.” And he also said:
“The covenant that separates us from them is salaah, and whoever gives up prayer is a kaafir.”
‘Abd-Allaah ibn Shaqeeq said: the companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used not to count the giving up of any action as kufr, apart from prayer.” You have to warn your husband against neglecting the prayer. If he persists, it is not permissible for you to stay with him because you are a Muslim and he is something else. May Allaah help the Muslims to do what Allaah has commanded and to obey Him. You have to advise and scare him, and may Allaah bring about good for him through that.
Q. Ruling on staying with a wife who does not pray
A. According to a saheeh hadeeth, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The man is the shepherd of the members of his household and is responsible for his flock. Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. So the man is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.” The most important duty of the “shepherd” is to guide his “flock” to obey the commands of Allaah by doing that which Allaah has enjoined and abstaining from that which He has forbidden. In this way he will be fulfilling his duty of enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil. So the husband has to tell his wife to do that which Allaah has enjoined upon her and he must forbid her to do that which Allaah has prohibited. The greatest duties that the Muslim must fulfil are the five daily prayers and fasting Ramadaan. These are two of the pillars of Islam. The husband must tell his wife to do these things and to observe these two pillars regularly. It is not permissible for him to be careless in this matter. The same applies to all other obligatory duties. He must also forbid her to do that which Allaah has forbidden, whether it is words or deeds. If he sees that she is responding and obeying, then that is what is required. But if she persists in disobeying then the Muslim man should not stay with her, rather he has to divorce her. How can a Muslim be pleased with a wife who does not pray or who misses some of the prayers, or does not fast in Ramadaan?
Q. Remaining unmarried for the sake of worship
A. Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah has enjoined marriage, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty” [al-Noor 24:32]
There is the story of the three men who came to ask about the worship of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When they were told about it, it was as if they thought it was not much. One of them said, “I keep away from women and I will never get married.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to this man and to his companions that he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) fasted and broke his fast, he stayed up praying and slept, and he married women. Then he said: “Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5063; Muslim, 1401.
This story indicates that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned against the monasticism practiced by the Jews and Christians, both men and woman.
Q. Can a husband refuse to let his wife visit her parents?
Upholding family ties is obligatory, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“… fear Allaah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (and do not cut of the relations of) the wombs (kinship)…” [al-Nisa’ 4:1]
Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Allaah created His creation, and when He had finished, al-rahm (the tie of kinship) got up. He said, ‘What is it?’ Al-rahm said: “This is the position of one who is seeking refuge with You from being cut off.’ He said, ‘Will you not be pleased if I should take care of the one who takes care of you, and cut off the one who cuts you off?’ Al-rahm said, ‘Of course, O Lord.’ He said, ‘Then it will be so.’” Abu Hurayrah quoted (interpretation of the meaning): “Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship?” [Muhammad 47:22]. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6948)
The husband should realize that it is not permissible for him to deliberately prevent his wife from visiting her family and upholding her ties of kinship with them. By the same token, the wife should not exhaust her husband with frequent trips and expenses that he cannot bear. She should make requests of him commensurate with his capabilities. It is not permissible for a woman to go out of her husband’s house without his permission, whether to go to her parents or elsewhere, because that has to do with his rights over her, unless there is a shar’i reason that compels her to go out. End quote from Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah(19/165).
Another indication that it is essential to have the husband’s permission to visit one's parents is the report narrated in al-Saheehayn about the story of the slander (al-ifk), in which ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): Will you give me permission to go to my parents?
Al-Bukhaari (4141) and Muslim (2770).
Q. Is it allowed for Husband/wife to enquire about the past after getting maried?
A. Praise be to Allaah.
With regard to the past from which you have repented to Allah, may He be exalted, the fiancé or husband has no right to ask about it. And it is not prescribed for anyone who has fallen into sin to tell anyone else about it when Allah has concealed him, and he should not expose himself, Allah forbid.
If the fiancé or husband insists on asking, you do not have to tell him about what you did before you knew him.
Q. Is there an expiation to take a false oath about the past sin?
A. Praise be to Allaah.
We put this question to Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him), who answered as follows:
If she is afraid of negative or harmful consequences, such as divorce or a bad reputation, she can swear that she did not do it, and seek forgiveness and do lots of good deeds.
She does not have to offer any expiation (kafaarah) because this oath has to do with something which is in the past, although it involves telling a lie. The kafaarah is sincere repentance. And Allaah knows best.
Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen
Q. Is it necessary to take the permission of the First wife to have a second wife?
A. “It is not obligatory for the husband, if he wants to take a second wife, to have the consent of his first wife, but it is good manners and kindness to deal with her in such a manner that will reduce the hurt which women naturally feel in such situations. This is done by being kind to her and speaking to her in a gentle and pleasant manner, and by spending whatever money may be necessary in order to gain her acceptance of the situation.”
Q Who has priority, one’s mother or one’s wife?
A. Praise be to Allaah.
The Muslim should always give preference to his mother, because it says in a hadeeth that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Who among the people is most deserving of my good company?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” …
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5514; Muslim, 4621).
But the wife takes precedence over the mother in one case, and that is the matter of spending. If the husband cannot afford to spend on both his wife and his mother because he is poor, then in this case he should put his wife before his mother. The Muslim has to give what is due to each person who has a right over him, and he has to help the one who is oppressed. If his mother mistreats his wife, he has to put a stop to it, in a kind and fair manner. And Allaah knows best.
Q. His mother mistreats his wife and her family
A. We must – may Allah guide us and you aright – inform each party of the rights of the other. The mother must understand that her son’s wife has rights that have been ordained by Allah and taught by the Messenger of Allah; the wife must understand that the mother has rights ordained by Allah and affirmed by the Messenger of Allah.
Moreover, each of them must understand that when Allah ordained rights for people, He forbade mistreatment and enmity, and He forbade transgressing the limits that He has set for His slaves. So what we must do is adhere to those limits and no one who has been given rights should transgress the limits in order to transgress against the rights of anyone else.
Q. Should she agree to be a second wife or be patient?
A. Praise be to Allaah.
Undoubtedly the way in which many Muslim societies view plural marriage is as a betrayal of the first wife, or as something for which the husband or second wife are to be blamed. Undoubtedly this is a mistaken view that is contrary to the law of Allaah, which permits a man to marry up to four wives. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“…then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four …” [al-Nisa’4:3]
The Muslim cannot object to the rulings of Allaah, or think that there is any injustice, transgression or error in the rulings of Allaah.
Hence we do not agree when a woman says: “How can I take the husband from his wife and children?”
You are not taking this husband away; rather he has come and proposed to you of his own free will.
Moreover he is going to bear the burden of two families and two households at the same time; he is not going to leave his first wife and children for your sake, so how can that be taking him away?
For a woman to agree to be a second wife and to put up with some problems from the first wife or the society around her, is much easier than staying without a husband.
Q. Who is supposed to recite the dua of Intercourse and when?
A. The man should recite the Dua, woman can do it as well but its prescribed for men. He should do it when he intends to have intercourse and starts as it is makrooh to take Allah’s name while doing it.
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All the Q&As have been taken form islamqa in their precise forms, ppl who want to read details can get it on the website InshaAllah!
"BETTER HALF...BETTER LIFE" (Etiquette of Marital Life)
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